Snarky Behavior

Point, Counterpoint: Where I internally argue two sides of a debate and determine a winner

One of the most common questions I get living on the East Coast is: “why would you ever leave California to move here?”

It’s a fair question. Having lived here in DC now for close to two years, there are some days I wake up in pools of my own sweat, wishing I could just roll out and drive to the beach. Problem is, I have no car, and no beach. I guess I could dump sand in my bed and pass out drinking Coronas and Nyquil (wetting the bed is a lot like peeing in a wet-suit)… but it’s not quite the same.

Now, the above graphic (made in Google Spreadsheets… not as good as M$ PowerPoint 2007 for these purposes, but a perfectly functional and free tool) represents the seven most prevalent factors of consideration taken into account when making the decision where to live after college:

1. Cost of Living (5%) — not that important, I’m a minimalist at heart
2. Denizens/Safety (10%) — prefer not to get stabbed
3. Ease of Transportation (15%) — gas ain’t cheap, I hate traffic
4. Meaningful Employment (25%) — meaningful in the sense that it provides me with worthwhile experience and I escape with my soul intact
5. Nightlife (15%) — obvious
6. Proximity to Friends (15%) — I’m a closet introvert and making new friends is hard work
7. Weather (15%) — obvious

Now this is a winner takes all point, counterpoint. That is, the city that wins the category gets all of the points. If you don’t like the rules, there’s a little red “X” at the top right corner of your screen. You’re gonna wanna go ahead and click that.

Cost of Living
Having gone to school in Westwood for four years, and paying $500 to split a room the size of a walk-in closet, I was pretty much immune to sticker shock anywhere outside of Manhattan. DC is by no means cheap, but it’s certainly cheaper than West Los Angeles.
5 Points, DC

Denizens/Safety
I actually decided to combine these categories because the chart repeated red as a color, which was confusing. Even combined, these categories are low factors for consideration.

DC’s denizens are a hodgepodge of pretentious assholes with an over-valued sense of self-worth, world-saving hippies, self-absorbed hipsters, old-boy southerners, and stodgy locals who hate the transients that price them out of their homes. LA’s demographics are literally all over the map, but for the purposes of comparison we’ll only consider the Santa Monica/Brentwood/Westwood/Manhattan Beach crowds, since that’s where I likely would’ve lived. Um, not my favorite kind of people. How can I put this? … Guys who say “bra” (as in, “what up, bra?”) and girls who say “I know, right?” and wear those big Nicole Richie sunglasses and ugz and mini-skirts and have fake tans and streaked or dipped hair and carry little dogs in Fendi bags (and on and on)…

For safety, I’ve never been a victim of a violent crime in either city, but clearly LA is the safer environment.
5 points, DC – I really hate the people in LA, and the homeless in DC are far more amusing
5 points, LA — Yeah I know I broke my own rules by splitting them up, but I really did intend for them to be separate categories.

Ease of Transportation
Not even close. Growing up in Southern California, you’d think I’d have developed some sort of immunity against the frustration of sitting in traffic (kind of how like New Yorkers develop an immunity against being polite). No. Traffic sucks, and the more you experience it, the more you grow to hate it. Go ahead and take a look at the faces of people driving home in bumper to bumper rush-hour sometime. I’m convinced all pervasive existential depression originates on the 405 freeway.

In DC, I walk 20 minutes to get to work, and metro anywhere else worth going. Plus I don’t have to wake up at 7 every Thursday and Friday to repark my car for street sweeping. Fuck you, LA.
15 points, DC

Meaningful Employment
This was a big draw for me to come to DC. My intention was to work for an NGO, think tank or public affairs firm to gain some worthwhile career experience before applying to a professional school. Well, after doing a BS “fellowship” for a tiny non-profit focused on diplomacy, I was left to scramble for a real job to pay the rent on the lease I signed.

The job I ended up taking wasn’t my first choice or in my preferred field, but it’s been interesting, and I’ve certainly learned the ins and outs of Educational Policy. I could’ve looked elsewhere and made a vertical leap, and I could’ve completely sold out and parlayed a reference into a major-league slimeball lobbying firm, but I knew my time was short and decided to stick it out, and make my “vertical leap” after grad school.

Putting aside my very specific experience, the takeaway here is that anywhere worth working in DC either pays crap or involves selling out in a very tangible way. Whereas LA is chalk full of superficial industries (I probably would’ve worked in real estate development), at least you can leave the office at night with a clear conscience and a light-heart.
25 points, LA — HUGE upset

Nightlife
Now I realize that most people would scoff at me for even considering DC over LA here, but it’s closer than you might think. Although I love Manhattan Beach and am a big fan of Barnie’s Beanery, I loathe (with rare exception) the shi-shi Hollywood/Sunset scene. I appreciate the happy-hour culture of DC, the quality of bar conversations and arguments, and the ability to walk or cab home at the end of the night. Sorry to say, but for me, DC wins.
15 points, DC — Big upset, especially in light of the ugliness factor… DC gets a 6.8 on “hotornot.com”

Proximity to Friends
My closest friends are literally all over the country, but the biggest pocket is actually in the Bay Area and in DC. I think it would’ve been really sad to stay in LA after everyone up and left, and I’m glad I moved.
15 points, DC

Weather
I actually enjoy the winter, but the summer can be hell on earth. No contest here.
15 points, LA

Final Tally
As expected, DC wins by a narrow margin. Although, my priorities are subject to change as I get older. The next test is NYC vs. DC. Or, if I fail out of school, Omaha vs. Santa Monica. That is to say, at my parents house vs. underneath the pier. Stay tuned.